Saturday, January 12, 2013

Zen and the Art of Avoiding Rape

From time immemorial mankind has been wrongly depicting Blondes as those in the bottom of the IQ pyramid. Little did they know that it was in fact the Indian women that occupied this stature. This was recently revealed to the world in a series of events that highlighted the issue. If you are an Indian or a world citizen you would have realized the number of Rape/Gang Rape/ Molestation and (or) Murder cases being reported on an hourly basis in India. It’s really hard to understand why these women voluntarily get raped. Any learned or enlightened person (read Politicians, Bureaucrats, Demi Gods ) will tell you that avoiding rape is as simple as breathing. It is inculcated in their genes. They are only reluctant or lazy or stupid enough to not use this trait of theirs. Just like how some people don’t prefer to use their brains before opening their big-fat-mouths.

There is a huge trust deficit between the Aam Admi and the Sarkar in this country and its high time we learn to trust our leaders. After all it is us that elected these leaders through a democratic process. And if they weren’t learned or intelligent enough, would they have become the leaders they now are? Now, agreed that what happened to the Delhi rape victim… ok let me correct that – Gang rape victim – was wrong, but how can you blame the rapists for this? It was totally the fault of the victim. And this was corroborated by none other than Asaram Bapu – a man in direct contact with God (to quote a dialogue from OMG). And no, it was not an arrow shot in the dark by the Saint, but rather the result of a careful and scientific interpretation of the cosmic forces. He has simply and ever-so-effortlessly proved this hypothesis by stating that you cannot clap with a single hand. To the not-so-bright earthlings, I would like to explain that, the Bapu is saying without two willing parties in picture there cannot be a rape. And this case the so-called-victim was a willing party for two reasons – 1. She did not use her God-given skills of begging the rapists to stop and 2. She did not memorize and recite the Gayathri Mantra. Now how stupid can she be?

You don’t have to be a Baba or a God-Agent to know the evil cosmic forces at work. Even Chattisgarh MP Nanki Ram Kanwar will tell you that if your stars are not in perfect alignment you could get raped. So why didn’t the victim not re-align the planets before she left home? I guess she was just lazy. Or maybe she was in a hurry. That explains why she left her overcoat at home. To the uninformed, let me enlighten you that a ctting-edge scientific study conducted by the Puducherry Government had come to the conclusion that wearing overcoats prevents rapes. To work on this project they had even invited actor Jakie Chan, who starred in the movie "The Tuxedo", to provide scientific inputs to this project. Not only did she forget the overcoat, she got herself into a double whammy by carrying her cellphone. Now in case you didn’t know Cell phones and skirts are primary reasons for getting raped according to wise old men of Haryana Khaps. So there you go, she didn’t stand a chance. It was bound to happen.

And if all that wasn’t enough, she boarded a bus with a male who was not her kin at around 10 PM (which is midnight as per Botsa Satyanarayna’s watch) which was occupied and driven by Biharis! I guess this is where Lawyers like to say the phrase “The Defense Rests”. Come to think of it… how can a woman travel with a man who is not her kin late at night? Something must be immorally wrong with this woman. When was the last time you heard a thing like that?  SP MP Abu Azmi was right. It was bound to happen. And in the words of BJP MLA Kailash Vijayvargiya, “Women who breach their moral limits deserve punishment”. In India, Muslims and Hindus are always at loggerheads. But despite all the bad blood, both sections stand up issues that are right and progressive. We are united against all menace that endangers the fabric of our society. Take for instance the statement from VHP, which blames the “western culture” for rapes in the country. On the other hand the Jamat-e-Islami has blamed the live-in relations (a Western culture) for rapes. Isn’t it quite obvious that when a man and woman live under the same roof rapes are bound to happen? God save us Indians from this Western Culture. But at least the Hindu and Muslim ideologists are on the same page.Calamities surely bring even enemies together as is evident in the case of Sheila Dixshit and Raj Thackery unilaterally claiming that the rapists were migrants from Bihar. Raj has forever been trying to expose the evil nature of migrant - in their own country, mind you - Biharis. So before boarding the bus couldn’t the girl check if they were from Bihar? Had the rapists known that the girl wasn’t a migrant Bihari herself then the victim could have saved herself from rape and murder.

It is not just Hindus and Muslims or Bihari-bashers that are coming together in such desperate times, but even two arch rivals in WB – the Left Front and the farther-than-far-Left TMC. It has come from none other than the TMC leadership that that rapes happen when men and women speak/work freely with each other. Didi who has been a victim of the Park Street Rape case (her govt is falsely being implicated in the case) has been desperately trying to clear the air about it stating that victim (as mentioned by media) is a prostitute and hence cannot be raped. Unfortunately for her, no one is buying the idea that the victim is a Prostitute. Main opposition party CPI-M leader Anisur Rehman understands her predicament of being the victim and is ready to pay her compensation/fees. Last I heard, modalities are being worked out. This is the power of Indian leaders. When the whole country is falling apart, the leaders unite with each cutting across party lines and save each other’s back. If at all its citizens can learn a thing or two from them.

As if the “alleged” gang rape was not enough to vex the Government with such irrelevant issues people mostly women come out on streets in large numbers. Blocking the streets is a major inconvenience to our leaders, but that’s a fact the citizens of this country don’t realize. By blocking all the streets in around the places where our leaders reside we are denying them their fundamental right of zipping around in the bullet-proof cars visiting corporate houses and opposition party leaders sealing deals that develop the nation. And in a rare show of controlled arrogance one MP dared to give back to the citizen to where it hurts most. And it comes from a place none other than the Rastrapathi Bhavan (to give it a tone of legitimacy). Abhijith Mukherjee exposed the face of the revolt on the streets that being dented and painted. He opened our eyes to the fact that good looking women wearing mascara and makeup where hitting the streets with daughters in tow. Which right-minded woman in this country can dare to come out on the streets shouting slogans against the government wearing make-up and not looking like students (as was the norm)?

Being a politician or leader in this country is like a double-edged sword. You get hurt for not speaking and you get even more hurt if you talk. You know who we are talking about here. Our poor and able PM always draws flak for not speaking much and on the other hand when his ministers (and those in the opposition) speak they always get misinterpreted by the media. Whatever words are spoken by any leader, they are first run through the Misinterpretation Machine by the media, to take their words out of context and mislead the nation. The real reason for this is that the Aam Admi and the media of this country always fail to understand the pearls of wisdom spoken by our leaders. We always tend to misinterpret it in a way that gives us a sadistic pleasure to fault our leaders!This must stop and the victims need to stop blaming the leaders for every crime they are responsible for. They must adhere to the Rule Book to be safe in this great country!

Mera Neta Mahaan! Teek Hai!

PS: One last advice to all women to void Rape: Migrate to Bharat!

Image Courtesy: Hindustan Times


  1. IF there is any sangama all the paparazzi from the that event happened in the capital city, it is this blog. You have taken leaf out from every tom, dick and harry neta's mouth piece. This article is like a mirror image looking by the other..where right appears to be left..and left appears to be right!..
    I still laughing at one of the neta proclaiming..we will bring act in such a way that..rape will be abolished or eradicated completely..probably the neta prepated the speech for the pulse polio program!..super write up have exposed the other side of India in a fitting manner!

    1. The Tamasha has not ended and the media will not let it end either. Media and politicians are like conjoined twins - joined at the hip and cannot survive without the other!